New-ish Trekkie, barely old enough to join Starfleet. McKirk pro. Find me on AO3! URL = AO3 username. Totally will always take anon prompts for fics and/or friendship and the like so don't be shy~
two dads tell their adopted son that he is adopted
he looks at them and bursts into tears
“i thought you were my fathers … but you were just faux pas”
i am happy this post is getting notes because we need more queer representation in awful jokes
fight for social justice today; add lgbtqia people to shitty horrible groan-inducing life-ruining puns
(via lilarmadillo)
| *Man walks into a store and finds employee* | |
| Man: | Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?! |
| Employee: | Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application? |
| Man: | I never filled out an application. |
| Employee: | Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application. |
| Man: | No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add! |
| Employee: | Well, but that doesn't- |
| Man: | AND I even told you that I didn't have a job! |
| Employee: | But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring. |
| Man: | OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane! |
| Employee: | Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience? |
| Man: | Well no, but what does that matter? |
| Employee: | ...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience. |
| Man: | Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you. |
| Employee: | That...doesn't make any sense. |
| Man: | NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy. |
| Employee: | |
| Man: | |
| Employee: | |
| Man: | Fuck you, slut. |
BONUS
he spoiled a perfectly good
futuredinner
i don’t actually hate people it just exhausts me being around them for extended periods of time even my friends it’s nothing personal i just actually like being by myself yo
I identify w tinkerbell a lot because she needs attention or she dies and that’s pretty much me
telepath more like telepathetic
this sounds like something Magneto would say before high fiving Mystique
(via vafertor)
Why does everyone say “house-wife” or “house-husband” when “House-spouse” is not only gender neutral, but also RHYMES?
the prof asks the important questions.
Wait, spouse rhymes with house? I always pronounced it ‘spooze’ in my head /o\ WHY IS YOUR LANGUAGE SO WEIRD, GODDAMMIT!!!
Because English beats up other languages in dark alleys, then rifles through their pockets for loose grammar and spare vocabulary.
(via coffeeaddictmaladict)
if this isn’t at the end of TASM, I will probably cry
oh my god CAN YOU IMAGINE
cap acting like his ~responsible older brother~ tony being all ~LOOK THOSE WEBSHOOTERS ARE A GREAT START BUT I THINK YOU ALSO NEED SOME LASERS OR SOME SHIT~ hulk being all ~HULK SORRY HE SMASH SPIDER THAT ONE TIME HULK NOT MEAN TO HURT PETER’S FAMILY~ natasha being all ~LET’S WORK ON YOUR HAND TO HAND SHALL WE~ and then just knocking him on his ass for a few hours and hawkeye hitchin’ a ride on the web express every time he can meanwhile pepper and gwen get together for tea every thursday and mostly just rub their temples a lothulk being all ~HULK SORRY HE SMASH SPIDER THAT ONE TIME HULK NOT MEAN TO HURT PETER’S FAMILY~
(Source: hkafterdark, via vafertor)
Glow In The Dark Sterling Silver Flower Ring
Crafted out of fine sterling silver, this ring features an intricate design of flowers and vines. A perfect accessory for the springtime weather. Glows bright blue when worn in the dark. Sold on Etsy.
NNNRRRGGGHHH,
(Source: wickedclothes, via tootrek)
what if bees sang songs when they flew by your ears
[tiny bee whisper/sings] ah ah ah ah stayin alive
im a boss ass bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch
I’m really shocked no one’s said this but,
imma bee imma bee imma imma bee bee
(via the-nightwing-rises)
Sooooooooooo is this what anyone else interpreted with the new X-Men trailer? Because it’s definitely what Alice and I saw.
Stop…fetishizing….huge age…gaps
They’re super toxic and…creepy..and…PREDATOR LIKE !!!!fuck you got against wideset teeth yo
What
i aint read this right my bad
(Source: chulaspice, via cephalopodvictorious)
hey girl are you the bottom of my laptop because you’re super hot and I’m getting nervous
(via trekraider)
